Stuck between a rock and a hard place

“You couldn't change the past. But the future could be a different story. And it had to start somewhere.” – “Little Children”

Every once in a while – usually with the changing weather – I feel like something is missing. I’m not quite sure what it is; it’s indescribable really. But sometimes my emotions overwhelm me and I find myself struggling to stay afloat…. Swimming upstream to not be consumed by my thoughts, my emotions, and my perspective. Because when you change your mindset, your life can ultimately change. And it is a beautiful thing to realize.

I don’t know what molded me to become the overcritical yet overly empathetic individual that I am today. Many people say it is good to understand others and put yourself in their shoes, but everything has its disadvantages, including being nice. Recently I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I worry about others, so much sometimes that I feel I am spreading myself too thin and forgetting to take care of myself. As an editor for a special section at my job, we work with freelancers on a regular basis. Lately I decided to give a new freelancer a try. She had the motivation and professionalism to get her work in well before deadline. She may not be the strongest writer, but has only written two articles so far and it is unfair to think someone can be “perfect” for a publication without first offering constructive criticism – input offered by showing them edited articles, passing on guidelines, examples of other pieces, etc.

Writing, even in the world of journalism is an art. There will be certain readers – and editors – that will appreciate how you turn a phrase. And, ultimately, others that won’t. But the question remains: Is it better to offer someone with the ability and willingness to improve another chance, even if it means you may have to spend a lot of time editing their piece to get it in “shape” for publication?

I guess I find myself so “stuck” because I have been on both sides. When I began freelancing for magazines nearly four years ago – with no articles ever published - it was hard to find someone who would give me a chance. The ultimate Catch-22: How would I receive my first writing chance when those I contacted preferred someone with experience already? It was frustrating. So, naturally, I started with smaller publications. Even with these publications, there were some editors that were difficult to work with. But I tried, sometimes coming out ahead and sometimes behind. It took me patience to develop a portfolio, but hard work and persistence paid off, and I continue to build it up. For that, I count my blessings.

But this turn-of-events allows me to look at our freelancers with a different mindset. And it doesn’t make things any easier when I have to make a decision.

All frustrations aside, life has been going great lately and there are a lot of adventures, some right around the corner and others far off in the horizon, which I am looking forward to. And thank you to all of those in my life that continue to make my life so worthwhile and memorable. I wouldn’t be able to “just keep swimming” without you.

Recent adventure at the Cantor Arts Center at Stanford University:

Buddha, no matter from what culture, is always depicted with a "third" eye of wisdom and lotus-like lips.
"David" -- not Michelangelo's of course.Beautiful Native American collection from a distance......and up close on one of the totem poles.

One leg left to stand on... literally

"Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet." -Vanilla Sky

My left knee, approximately a year and a half ago, before my surgery... (look at all the awesome calcifications inside it... oooh). Fast forward - and it's worse than it was beforehand...

Three weeks ago, I was in so much pain that I couldn't walk for nearly 10 minutes, so I wrote about it in a monthly column at my job, the Los Altos Town Crier...

Mind over matter
By Shannon Barry

After strumming out the daily frustrations on my steel-string acoustic guitar last week, I looked forward to falling asleep while listening to music. Guitar in hand, I stood up and felt a surge of pain in my left knee. Then I instantly fell onto my bed.

There I lay for 10 long minutes, unable to get up. I was absolutely terrified. I felt a range of emotions, from grief to anger to acceptance, as I unsuccessfully attempted to move my leg.

Grappling with the pain and – above all else – my negative, unrealistic thoughts, I was eventually able to move my leg again. But it took patience, massaging my knee and slowly stretching it in different directions.

I was dealing with a rare condition I’ve had for quite some time. But nearing my 24th birthday, it was something I still haven’t fully acknowledged since the diagnosis and surgery.

I have synovial osteochondromatosis. A specialist informed me it was something that could require surgery every five to 10 years. It is a benign condition where the synovial lining of a joint undergoes nodular multiplication and fragments may break off from the synovial surface into the joint. There, the fragments may grow and calcify.

But before the surgery and even diagnosis, my leg had never completely shut down.

With advancing technological breakthroughs, I’m hopeful that in coming years more research will uncover less-invasive treatments.

But even with breakthroughs, coping with physical impairments is often a case of mind over matter. That’s where the issue of mental health plays such an important role.

The high rates of mental illness in this country are staggering. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, one in every five Americans experiences a mental disorder in any given year, and half of all Americans have such disorders at some time in their lives. May is Mental Health Month.

The media and entertainment industries often portray people with mental illnesses as dangerous, violent and unpredictable individuals. It may be hard to forget Paula Abdul’s recent memory lapse on “American Idol” and Britney Spears’ highly publicized hospitalizations.

Such examples shape the public’s perception that those who suffer from mental disorders are to be feared. But we need to overcome such stigmas.

Psychiatrists agree that those suffering from anxiety or depression should take their prescribed medications just as those with physical ailments, and should not be ashamed to do so.

It is important to remember that we are not the sum of our conditions. We must choose the best way to deal with them.

For me, it was mustering the strength – mentally and physically – to get my leg moving again. Although it is a struggle I must cope with for the rest of my life, I don’t plan to let it bring me down. In fact, it will help me grow stronger for the journey ahead.

...Tonight, it happened again. And I haven't been able to walk for about 45 minutes. Other than that, life is great. I had an amazing day in fact. But now I am exhausted, accepting my emotions and efficiently and effectively trying to work through the pain. It definitely doesn't come easy. But without the pain, I guess I wouldn't appreciate so many of the glorious things in life.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night..."

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise." -Paul McCartney's "Blackbird"

After the start of a new week and the end of a beautiful birthday weekend, I have come to many conclusions. It's not that I came to these conclusions because it was my birthday and turned the big 2-4. Not one of those cliche things where I woke up on my birthday and had newfound wisdom. No, but getting out to celebrate and catch up with friends I had not seen in days, months and some, even years, gave me new perspectives on life. Needless to say, I felt loved. It was the perfect combination of celebration at different venues... Sunnyvale's sports bar - The Peacock Lounge, Dave and Busters, Foothills Park and Cajun Crabhouse. And I can't wait to celebrate this weekend with my family in Sacramento for both my birthday and Mother's Day. Those celebrations really go hand in hand anyhow...

But one realization that has truly branched into different facets of my life is just how self-serving humanity is, and myself no different than anyone else sometimes. I am learning to let go of those people who only find me in their life because I am a "time killer." And this may be something that doesn't even cross their minds half the time. But when someone is truly your friend or cares about you they do things for you, whether or not it is "convenient." Don't settle for someone - whether in a friend or relationship - that only reaches out their hand when they aren't busy. Yet closes the door when they are filled with countless appointments, vacations or someone they find more "worthy" of filling their time.

So thank you to all of those who came out for my birthday, or as I truly saw it - an "excuse" to finally catch up with those I love. I had a blast and look forward to the memories in the coming year...


Jean, Jean the dancing machine gave me yummy Pinot Noir and pretty flowers with leaves that are green.

Surprise! I haven't seen you in months and I'm your awesome old housemate Tony.

Guess my housemate, Traci, wasn't quite on mark for the game against Pete.


It's always time to hug when WIDOWDOWS unite!

Geeking it up "Southern roots style" with my college friend, Mr. Jeff Umscheid.


People may give high fives, but when you're awesome, it's all about... *drum roll*... HIGH C'S!


The big 2-4 but still bibbing it up for jambalaya at the Cajun Crabhouse.

Perfect peaceful hike with Louise at Foothills Park for the end of a great weekend.

News of the weird

Maybe it's not the happiest place on Earth?
Aimee Krause maintains that in May 2007, Victoria Walker accused her of cutting the line at the Mad Tea Cup ride at Walt Disney World, and beat her in a case of Disney Line Rage. Krause alleges that Walker hit her in the head and tried to choke her with her water bottle lanyard. She also claims that her children were injured in the alleged attack. Walker faces up to 15 years in prison on charges of felony battery.

Charlie Chaplin Entered a Chaplin Look-Alike Contest
...and Lost!
Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest, and lost! He didn’t even make it to the finals.
In 1915, "Chaplinitis" swept across America and Charlie Chaplin look-alike contests became popular. One such contest was won by a rising young actor/comedian that became quite famous on his own right. His name was Bob Hope.